Tuesday, November 24, 2009

Monday, March 2, 2009


Say quack again, motherfucker!



Note: I wanted to make a quick and dirty clay something, it is both.

Tuesday, December 30, 2008


I've been tagged by Riot Kitty.

The rules are many but I will only follow one, because I instinctively feel that someone is making a profit by killing hapless electrons by creating a blog pyramid scheme/chain letter.

The rule that I will follow:
3. Write six random things about yourself.

1: I have cabbage radar.

2: I nearly lost a fight with a bad tempered sea bass.

3: I have a very serious and life threatening allergy to mauve.

4: I know that I will never invent a time machine because if I did, I would send plans, blueprints, and antique clocks back in time to myself when I was in second grade.

5: My middle toe is longer than my epiglottis.

6: Whenever I count past the number 41, there is a mudslide in South America.

Sunday, September 21, 2008

I am an antichrist, I am the Butter Man!

The musicians of my slightly misspent teens are now all sold. First Jello Biafra is in to politics, then Siouxsie releases this, now Johnny Rotten is the butter man. What happens to a person that makes you unable to live only for today when you wake up with a stiff neck and sore knees? Is there something in healthy food that makes a person think of financial solubility?

I suspect that it is erosion of the soul that takes the corners and edges off of a person. Living in a commercially saturated environment gradually replaces your self esteem with the need for cable TV, your creative impulse is abducted by an Xbox, monthly payments are Wonder Woman's lasso.

A short (and TRUE! story)
A man named Eddie was walking to the bus stop so he could go to work. The telephone poles all had flyers for concerts and shows that he never goes to, Eddie did not notice them. There was a pretty girl watching him, walking the other direction, Eddie was thinking of the report that is due by lunchtime. A community recycling store employee flipped the sign to OPEN for the first time while Eddie was looking at his watch.

Coming home from work Eddie was miserable that he had nothing to do tonight. He knew that there would be nothing on TV. He expected to be bored. Eddie wished that he had a girlfriend, but women are really hard to meet. "Perhaps I'll rearrange my apartment, I've not got enough room for my stuff." He thought.

Wednesday, August 27, 2008

Guest post because Mr. Riot Kitty is lazy

Mr. Riot Kitty needs...

Five cakes!

A bigger cannon!

Dedicated prayer partners who will pray for him daily!

Wrestling shoes!

Ellie, with her lips like morphine!

Uh...don't even want to look for that image.

XO, Riot Kitty

Sunday, July 13, 2008

Happy 4th anniversary Riot Kitty!
I love you too....

Saturday, July 5, 2008

Never smile at a crocodile

One of the most valuable life lessons that a person can learn is from the Muppet Show.

Smiling at a croc can send mixed signals, such as: Am I your lunch?, or: Would you like to pop off for a cuddle behind that cypress tree?
The poor reptile has no way of knowing what your intention is towards him or her. Are you amorous or nutritious? Are you warm and friendly or are you good with butter?

Anyhow, one of the lessons that the Muppet Show does not give you is how to spot a crocodile. Sometimes the toothy lizards wear uniforms, or too much makeup. They want to sell you a car or perhaps insurance. I even had a crocodile offer oral services in Las Vegas once. (no thank you...)

When in doubt, don't act like food.

On an unrelated subject: